Susan Boyle is to marry that other emotionally stunted ugly British talent show fatty, Paul Potts in a ceremony allegedly costing upwards of 20p.
The wedding will take place in Cambodia so as to cash in on Potts infamous name.
Susan has told close friends (namely Fat Brenda and Bertha the slag) that Paul is the first man she's ever been with.
Paul has told his one friend, Barry 'Fat Belly' Browne, that he hopes he can be man enough for such a 'beautiful' woman.
Hello have paid half of the wedding cost in order to secure the exclusive rights to the freak show.
Elton John, a man who cannot miss an opportunity to sing shite , will be in attendance to croon some poxy ballad. He may once again change the lyrics to one of his popular songs just as he did with Diana and the English Rose bit of tripe.
Susan will wear a gown made from the tears of children forced to text in votes to shitty shows and a veil made from an old cardboard box. She may even shave for the event.
Paul will wear the same suit hes been wearing since he appeared on telly for the first time.
Keep watching this space for something (anything) to happen.