Written by Eurocleese De Zouch
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Topics: Economy, Dubai

Saturday, 28 November 2009

image for Tom Cruise To Be Repossessed
Wanted Man

In order to recoup their massive losses, for selling shoddy mortgages to halfwits, Carblays have put in to a claim to a Dubai court, in order to reposses Tom Cruise within the next 60 days.

Cruise, who owns the new highrise "Boisterous Towers", which has 47 floors, and are all wallpapered with his face stroking a bag of mince, is financially struggling, as only three floors have been bought - by Tom Cruise.

A Carblays spokesman spoke to me. "Well, we're currently chasing Mr Cruise, so that we can reposes him - we may want Suri as well - We're not sure yet."

"Obviously I can't go into specifics, but Mr Cruise took out a $300m dollar loan at a rate of 12.8%, back in 2006, in order to build this effergy of himself. Mr Cruise has now missed 12 payments. We are willing to kidnap him if need be, and he can work in our CEOs house, making Tea, and ruffling hair, until he pays the debt off."

Dubai is currently a hotspot for ex-pats who milk the UAE dry, then do a scarper once the good-times come to an end. The UAE have know to put serial debtors into "risky buggering" sections of their local prisons, to teach these wide-boys a lesson.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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