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Wednesday, 25 August 2004

image for SpongeBob Squarepants On Atkins Diet
SpongeBob Running 5k at Olympic Trials

A spokesperson for SpongeBob Squarepants said on Wednesday that the undersea sensation will be using the Atkins Diet to lose some unwanted pounds, in order to broaden his acting horizons. "[Sponge]Bob does not want to be typecast. He wants to have the flexibilty of any other Hollywood star."

SpongeBob is vying for several other roles, including a part in the final Star Wars epic film, as well as the host of a new TV reality series. SpongeBob Squarepants is also planning to do a name-change after he loses the weight. He does not want to continue only in his current direction. He is contemplating several different titles, such as "SpongeBob, formerly known as Squarepants," and "Bob the Body Builder."

His co-star in the hit kids' TV and film series, Patrick the Starfish is not commenting on SpongeBob's new-found direction. Patrick believes that SpongeBob's recent behavior has been caused by ascending too quickly from the depths of the sea, causing him to get a mild case of decompression sickness, otherwise known as the bends.

Spokesmen for the hit children's show are not commenting on SpongeBob's newfound interest in feature films and reality TV. There has been talk, however, of a spin off show centered around the adventures of Patrick the Starfish. No official word has been documented.

Squarepants has been supporting his new dieting habit through exercise at the local YSCA (Young Sponge Community Athletics). He has been running, rowing, and doing weight training with personal trainer Iam Pumpinup. Iam told the press on Wednesday that "Squarepants is a natural runner, and he even had a cameo at the 2004 Summer Olympic Trials. He was only a .001 of a point away from making it into the semi-finals. That is pretty good for someone so, uh, square."

SpongeBob is reportedly the first cartoon character to use the popular Atkins Diet. The results have not been tested on sea sponges, and the outcome is not certain. Scooby Doo and Shaggy have noted that their diet plan, "Eat Everything That Is Not Nailed Down" has been a real hit with fellow cartoon network stars.

Although, some remain skeptical, SpongeBob has some supporters: Batman, Yu-gi-oh, and David the Knome all praise the sponge's efforts to better himself and branch out in the world of on-screen acting. SpongeBob will appear on the Saturday night edition of SpaceGhost Coast to Coast for a full interview concerning his recent publicity.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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