Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 25 November 2009

image for Donny Osmond Wins The 2009 Dancing With The Stars Championship!
The winner of The 2009 Dancing With The Stars Championship, Donny "The Stormin' Mormon" Osmond.

Hollywood - Kelly Osbourne took third place, Mya took second place, and Donny "The Stormin' Mormon" Osmond won the title of the 2009 Dancing With The Stars Champion.

The 51-year-old Utah native for the past few weeks had turned into the favorite of the women over 40 group with his tireless performances, his effortless moves, and his tight-fitting pants.

He and his dance partner Australia's Kym Johnson had really stepped it up the past week. Kym said that they had rehearsed so much, that she had callouses on her callouses.

She said that their practice sessions were so intense that at times they would forego taking bathroom breaks in order to nail the particular dance number that they were working on.

Donny said that he received a lot of good sound advice from Bruno Tonioli. One day Bruno even stopped by when Donny and Kym were rehearsing and he gave Donny some excellent tips on the Paso Doble, the Argentine Tango, the Quick Step, and the Worm.

Bruno also gave Donny some advice on how to prepare Chicken Alfredo, Tortaleni Tuscany, Lasagna Ala Sophia Loren, and Ravioli Ray Romano.

Donny gave a lot of the credit for him winning to his sister Marie Osmond, 50, who is presently in negotiations to have her own reality show Marie Osmond Plus 8.

Marie said that she encouraged Donny by telling him that if he won the coveted Mirror Ball Trophy that she would stop picking on him for six months. Donny told her to make it one year and Marie agreed.

Donny said that he was thrilled at the support that he received from his home state of Utah. He said that he had received an email from the Mayor of Provo Destry Dalquist informing him that he had instructed all of the city employees to vote for Donny.

The mayor reportedly found out that one of the city employees, identified as Maureen Wovenbush, 49, had said that she was going to vote for Kelly Osbourne.

The mayor ordered that Mrs. Wovenbush be placed on administrative leave without pay.

Mrs. Wovenbush apparently complained to the mayor that what he had done was extremely unethical as well as illegal. The mayor replied that he did not give a beaver's ass about ethics or legalities, he just wanted to see Utah's favorite son Donny Osmond win the damn Dancing With The Stars title.

In related news. Donny did confirm backstage that he and Marie have just signed to star in a remake of 'Bonnie And Clyde.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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