Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 24 November 2009

image for Jon and Kate Plus 8: The Final Show - 11/23/09
Kate Gosselin as she watches her kids milk one of the dairy cows on their visit to the dairy farm.

WYOMISSING, Pennsylvania - The TLC reality show Jon and Kate Plus 8 is over. And although the final episode did not have the viewership the series finales of M.A.S.H., Friends, or Seinfeld had it did okay for itself.

Jon reflected. The kids laughed and played and argued. And Kate...cried, and cried, and cried. She went through three boxes of Kleenex, some dinner napkins, and both sleeves of her blouse.

There is no doubt that the couple will certainly miss the $75,000 per episode they were making. Their monthly house payment is probably somewhere in the neighborhood of $10,000 a month.

And the 8 kids can go through three gallons of milk a day easily. And for that reason Kate decided to buy a milk cow. She took the kids to visit a dairy farm and the youngsters got to see up close where milk comes from.

Yes, kids, mom pointed out the milk comes from those big old hot dog looking things that hang down from the cows big old gigantic udder.

One of the 5-year-old sextuplets, Joel Jung asked his mom why all the cows have four wieners. An embarrassed Kate told little Joel Jung that those aren't wieners, they're milkers. "Right Mr. Dairy Farm Man?" She asked.

Mr. Dairy Farm Man replied "Ma'am those are not wieners and they're not milkers, we call them teats."

"Tit?" Little Joel Jung asked.

"Nope. Listen closely little feller," the dairy farmer remarked, "Teats, that's big T little e, little a, little t, little s, Teats."

Kate made a face and said "Whatever, it's disgusting, d-i-s gusting." Kate then thinks to herself but not half as disgusting as the things their father (Jon) is doing with his two or three young 'girlfriends.'

Kate wonders what those young ladies see in Jon who looks like he could play the part of a crazed Kamikaze pilot in a World War II epic.

Meanwhile the camera cuts back to the Gosselin home. The two 9-year-old twin girls are drawing up posters with their dad for a lemonade sale they will be having.

The lemonade sale is to benefit the Wyomissing Volunteer Fire Department, who recently had one of their two fire trucks repossessed for non-payment.

Luckily, it was the older one, the one that had the broken ladder and the torn safety net.

One of the twin girls Cara Chow suddenly says that she misses her mommy. Jon explodes. "Put down the damn yellow highlighter and go inside the damn house" he yells.

She leaves crying and as she gets to the front door Jon takes the poster and tears it into dozens of pieces. He then tells the other twin Madelyn Ming to go inside with her sister also.

"Why?" Maddy pleads. "I didn't do anything I'm just sitting her drawing with my green highlighter just minding my own damn bees wax."

Jon screams for her to go inside also because of her attitude and her potty mouth.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: In all fairness to Madelyn Ming, she did not have an attitude, she was merely drawing the poster. Now the older twin Cara Chow definitely had an attitude. Little 9-year-old girls should not be allowed to use four letter words like (blank) and (blank) and (blank). Now (blank) is marginal but still, not from a 9-year-old girl.]

One of the 5-year-old sextuplets, Collin Chang turned to his dad and said that Cara and Maddy have a real bad altitude huh dad?

Jon grins and says that they certainly do have a bad altitude as well as a bad attitude. Collin asks his dad why he was being redundant.

"Redundant?" Jon asks him where in the world he learned that word.

Collin tells his father that he heard his mommy telling one of the cameramen the other night that her and (daddy's) sax life had become redundant.

Collin then asked his dad that he has seen his trombone and his bass guitar but where does he keep his sax.

Jon blushed and turned 'rising sun red.'

And the credits on the final edition of Jon and Kate Plus 8 slowly began to roll on the screen.

Make Abel Rodriguez's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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