Written by Trip Nasti
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Topics: X-Factor, Jedward

Monday, 23 November 2009

image for Jedward axed - Literally!
Headphones RULE!!

At last, after 26 weeks of 'Jedmania' the worbeling and permanently surprised Irish duo have been vetoed off the X Factor.

After a dispassionate plea in midweek to the baying masses of X Factor, temporary leader, Gordon Brown, in a rousing speech called for the nation to unite and vote the Grimes brothers from the show.

After last nights result, in an early morning press conference outside number 10 Downing Street, Gordon Brown, whilst holding a piece of toast and jam in one hand delivered the following speech:

"It is a great day not just for this Labour government but also for the British public. The Grimes brothers had plagued or television screens for too long and made a mockery of our national pride, our heritage, but worst of all, our X Factor. United we stood in the face of quiffed adversity and united we are victorious!"

But little is being said of the barbaric way in which Jedward were treated after their exit from the show was announced.

After a rather energetic performance of Rage Against The Machines, 'Killing In The Name Of', the Grimes brothers almost looked certain to progress to the following week.

When the time came to announce who was leaving the show, a visibly quaking Simon Cowell, almost unable to subdue his excitement, delivered the hammer blow to the twins.

The Irish duo although disappointed maintained an air of dignity. That is until they were physically restrained by men wearing black masks and made to kneel.

A screaming crowed watched on as several stage hands placed blocks of wood under the struggling brothers and two more masked men entered the stage carrying large comedy axes.

Standing over the Grimes brothers, who were now lashed to their wooden blocks and whimpering, the axe men each raised their weapon and turned to face Simon Cowell.

Simon then raised his hand, as if to silence the hysterical X Factor crowed, before clenching his fist with his thumb outstretched and plunging it downwards to screams of, "No!"

Sadly, the rubber axes failed to do much damage.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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