Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 22 November 2009

image for Strictly Come Dancing's Joker, Ricky Groves Goes!
Ricky Groves' Strictly Come Dancing shoes which he will not be needing any longer.

LONDON - The 41-year-old joker of Strictly Come Dancing Ricky Groves has been eliminated from the reality dancing show.

He and his partner Erin Boag performed a tango that Len Goodman said was more bango than tango.

Ricky managed to accidentally hit his partner three times during the dance performance, the last time hitting her in her xiphoid process and causing her to scream out in pain.

Earlier in the week during rehearsals Erin reportedly told one of the shows janitors that she does not know how much more unintentional abuse she can take from Ricky who keeps hitting her with his arms, his legs, his hands, his feet, and on two occasions even with his (blank).

The janitor made a face and asked, "His (blank)?"

"Yes, his bliming bloomin' (blank)," Boag babbled blushingly.

After Ricky and Erin danced their tango to the Mannheim Steamroller song, "Pikes Peak Tango Interlude 19 In The Key of G" Len told Groves that he had made more mistakes in just a minute and a half than that bloke from the colonies George Bush had made his entire two terms as president.

Craig Revel Horwood said that speaking of the states he pointed out that the daftly dithered and doltishly dotty Dick "The Dick" Cheney could have done a better job of dancing and that's with "Birdbrain" Cheney carrying a damn bird hunting rifle.

And the somewhat masculine, somewhat feminine man from Italy, Bruno Tonioli said that since his fellow judges were on an American kick he added that Ricky was dancing like he had Yellowstone National Park fire ants in his shorts.

The lone lady judge Alesha Dixon who said that she hardly knew anything about America, other than that it's way west of Great Britain, added that she has to admit that "Licky" Ricky was certainly giving it the old college try.

She noted that the Rickster was dancing with all the grace of the pleasantly plumpish Yanks trio of Kirstie Alley, Wynonna Judd, and Rush Limbaugh all rolled into one.

When Ricky was interviewed backstage he was asked if he felt that the judges had treated him fairly. He turned his head and spit on the floor. He then said that the four judges are nothing but a bunch of has been's and never were's.

He said that Len Goodman is so old that the son-of-a-bitch had once dated Tokyo Rose back during World War II.

He then pointed out that Craig Revel Horwood wears his aunt Fifi's hand-me-down underwear and likes to bake pink cookies while reading ladies magazines.

As far as Bruno goes, he said that Bruno confided in him that he still has fantasizes about Donny Osmond and him climbing the Rocky Mountains and camping out underneath the Colorado stars with nothing but a pepperoni pizza, an Osmond Brothers songbook, and pink marshmallows.

And the lone lady judge Alesha Dixon smiled and said that she did not really and truly know much about America to make a U.S. flavored remark.

Dixon thought for a few moments and then she said that poor old Ricky is a rather sorry dancer who has all the dancing grace of Americans Kirstie Alley, Wynonna Judd, and Rush Limbaugh all rolled into one.

Bruno turned to her and said, "Sweetheart, you already said that."

"I did?" Alesha replied.

It had been a long night.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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