Written by johncorn
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Friday, 20 November 2009

In an exclusive interview with the Twilight star Robert Pattinson, he has revealed that he infact has female genitalia. He said "I want to use my biological givens to make any other male in my position feel more comfortable in his body, we should'd be ashamed of who we are", but clearly the loyal Twilight fans were discouraged on his ability to perform within the upcoming New Moon due to this.

New Moon reviews are useless, but critics tried to get heard with their New Moon reviews anyway. The New Moon reviews were expected to be pretty low, since critics weren't big fans of Twilight. After 12 months of breathless anticipation, Twilight: New Moon finally begins the Team Edward vs Team Jacob wars. After Edward Cullen leaves Bella Swan for her protection, she goes into a deep depression, until Jacob the werewolf comforts her. However, Edward does eventually return to break up the new couple - though they visit Italy and battle the all powerful Volturi along the way.

But the New Moon reviews weren't all bad to start off, as some critics were more forgiving of the film. It looked like 2012 would remain the most mocked film of the month, as early critics just shrugged New Moon off. But as more review responses came in, the ratings on Rotten Tomatoes got worse and worse. The original got just below 50% positive, yet New Moon's ratings are almost half that.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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