Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: Tax, botox

Thursday, 19 November 2009

image for The U.S. Senate Passes A Botox Tax - Burt Reynolds Says He'll Have To File Bankruptcy
Burt Reynolds getting his brand new toupee trimmed.

SANTA MONICA, California - Former actor Burt Reynolds who gained world wide fame through his Smokey and The Bandit Movies 1 thru 17, was saddened to hear about the new Federal Botox Tax.

Reynolds, who says that every day he regrets dumping Sally Field said that with the amount of Botox he requires he will probably end up having to file for bankruptcy.

When asked if perhaps he could take out a loan or borrow some money from his many friends he just laughed and went "Hummmfh."

He said that he already owes a dozen friends a little over $9 million. Reynolds went on to say that he even owes China about $2 million, he owes Iceland $1 million, and he owes Mexico $5 million pesos, which is $384,309.48 in U.S, dollars.

Reynolds confessed that he has sold off all seven Smokey and The Bandit cars that he had in his automobile collection.

He stated that he also sold off the car that 1930's outlaws Bonnie and Clyde were killed in as well as the shocking pink Bentley that Liberace had given to his boyfriend Thornton Pillafeck, III.

Burtito, as his first wife Judy Carne used to call him, also sold off a set of combs that he used to use when he had real hair.

These days, Burt says that his hair is fake, his face is fake, his biceps are fake, and even the bulge in his crotch is fake.

When told that's "TMI" he gets a puzzled look on his face and asks, "And just what the hell does the Texas Military Institute have to do with anything.

Reynolds is informed that "TMI" stands for "Too Much Information." He laughs and says that he gets it now. He apologizes and blames it on old age's "12 second rule."

Burt was asked what had happened to his planned sequel to his big 1972 hit Deliverance. Reynolds smiled and said that he had the script, the cast, the crew, and the real life backwoods banjo-playing hillbillies all ready to start filming down in the boondocks of Georgia.

But he said that a few days before leaving for the Peach State he received an email stating that because of his age, 73, and the fact that he has enough botox on his face to make a life-size sculpture of Kirstie Alley the Georgia State Department of Health, Education, Welfare, and Insecticides would not allow him to enter the state on a work visa.

Reynolds was devastated. He said that he especially felt sorry for the new "Banjo Boy" who was actually the grandson of the original "Banjo Boy."

So these days Reynolds spends a lot of his time in his backyard, just tossing a football up and the air and catching it all by himself.

After about 40 minutes he tires of tossing and catching and he just sits down on his backyard deck and looks over his countless scrapbooks.

He has them categorized by the different women he had relationships with over the years.

There are individual scrapbooks with photos and articles on women such as Tammy Wynette, Lucie Arnaz, Judy Carne, Dinah Shore, Adrienne Barbeau, Chris Everett, and Loni Anderson.

And the last one that he looks at is his scrapbook of Sally Field. It's thicker and heavier than the others. Burt opens it and only manages to get to the third page before he stops and closes it.

He looks out toward the brightly colored burnt orange horizon and watches as the California sun sets slowly in the Pacific Ocean.

Burt smiles. And then he softly says to himself with tears forming in his eyes, "Dammit, I should have married Sally..."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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