Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 18 November 2009

image for Playmate Joanna Krupa Airbrushed Off Dancing With The Stars
The photo of Joanna Krupa that will accompany her interview in National Geographic.

HOLLYWOOD - The sexy, svelte, and sultry Joanna Krupa has been eliminated from Dancing With The Stars.

The bottom two couples were Kelly Osbourne and her partner Louis Van Amstel and Joanna Krupa and Derek Hough.

The other two DWTS couples who were still remaining in the competition were Mya and Dmitry Chaplin and Donny Osmond and Kim Johnson.

The thing that saved Donny was that every Osmond in the state of Utah voted for him. And as for Kelly she received all of the California votes plus a lot of votes from her motherland Great Britain.

Kelly also received the 'tattoo vote.'

Unfortunately the Polish born Joanna, although she did receive a lot of votes from her native Poland, the number was just not anywhere near the amounts garnered by the O and O twins, Osmond and Osbourne.

After Tom Bergeron announced that Joanna Krupa would be going home he stuck the microphone in her face and asked her how she felt being eliminated.

Krupa, who could be Cameron Diaz' little sister, smiled through some gritted teeth and asked Bergeron, "How do I feel being eliminated?"

Bergeron smiled and replied, "I asked you first."

Krupa did a Kanye West and grabbed the microphone out of Bergeron's hand. "Well Mr. Bergeron, ye of the perpetually tassled hair and snarling face gestures, let me tell you exactly how it feels.

It hurts like hell. My crotch region feels like I have just given birth to a damn bowling ball. My feet hurt like shit. I have had a friggin headache for the past 48 hours.

I have corns on my toes the size of M&M's. I have not been able to have a bowel movement in the past 36 hours. I have developed split ends. One of my wisdom teeth is hurting so Mother effen bad that it is actually making sounds, and just ten minutes ago, I started my frackin' period.

Now if you have any more effen questions puppet face I suggest you direct them to sissyboy Bruno, or grouchy old Len, or Tokyo Rose Inaba because frankly I do not feel like effen talkin' to anyone, much less doing that damn loser's dance. Thank you punk and I do mean that in a mean way."

Reports that Krupa bit Carrie Ann Inaba on her lower lip on her way out of the DWTS studios are totally false. She did however, kick Len in his crotch and push Bruno down a flight of stairs.

Make Abel Rodriguez's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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