HOLLYWOOD - Mya and her partner Dmitry Chaplin danced a salsa to Madonna's "La Isla Bonita" which totally thrilled the studio audience as well as the three judges.
Bruno Tonioli said that the Island had never looked so pretty. Carrie Ann Inaba said that watching them dance so precisely, so closely, and so erotically made her wish that she had a boyfriend waiting for her at home.
Carrie Ann's remark caused Bruno to remark that if she wasn't such a mean, cold-hearted beeach she would be able to attract a man.
Inaba told the Italian Richard Simmons that he needed to mind his own damn business before she reveals some extremely personal details about his intimate life regarding several nameless individuals and a life-size biologically correct inflatable Brad Pitt Doll.
Bruno calmed down and made a lip-locking motion.
The British judge Len Goodman then jumped in and asked if he could put in his bloody two schillings (cents) worth. Carrie Ann replied for the old crotchety geezer to go right ahead.
Goodman turned to Inaba and thanked her pointing out that she had a piece of dried rice pudding on her left sleeve.
Carrie became offensive and asked him if he was making a racial remark. Goodman said that the remark was not racial and that it was just a statement telling her that perhaps she needed to watch her blimey eating habits a wee bit closer tis all.
Bruno leaned forward and turning towards Inaba said that the reason she spilled her rice pudding on her sleeve was because she had used a spoon instead of her usual chopsticks, which someone had apparently misplaced.
Carrie Ann leaned forward and turning towards Tonioli told him to misplace this [pointing towards her lap area].
Host Tom Bergeron looked at the camera and said, "Ladies and gentlemen I welcome you to Jon and Kate Plus 8 or rather make that Plus 11.
Carrie Ann and Bruno laughed. Len said "Bite me cracker."
Bergeron with a puzzled look on his face asked, "Is that cracker as in calling me a derogatory name or is it cracker as in the food product?"
The shows director sensing that the situation was quickly deteriorating went to a commercial.
When the show returned Bergeron noted that they were finally now going to be asking Len Goodman for his remarks on Mya and Dmitry's hot salsa number.
Len smiled and told Mya that he was totally infatuated with her bum, which is British for butt. The 92-year-old ex-king of Great Britain then said that Mya looked positively delicious and that she certainly showed that she had a lot of tutti fruiti in her booty.
Mya blushed, her big eyes got even bigger, and Bergeron ever so carefully peeked around at Mya's backside. He raised his eyebrows three times, looked directly into the camera and sang out a wop bop a loo bop a wop bam boom!.
Bruno hollered out "Home Run!"
Goodman remarked, "Jolly good my old Yank chap!"
And Carrie Ann screamed out, "Bonsai!"
Mya and Dmitry went backstage and received their scores...three 10s (again), a perfect score for the Maryland sultress.
SIDENOTE: Dance contestant Kelly Osbourne's mother, Sharon Osbourne, who had been banned from the studio for her cruel dumb-ass remarks about Susan Boyle last week was allowed to attend the show, but she had to put up a $10,000 retainer in order to guarantee that she would behave and not make a horse's arse (ass) of herself like she did last week.