AUBURN HILLS, Michigan - Bruce Springsteen and his E Street Band flew into Michigan for a sold out concert but apparently jet lag, or too much run it through the garden pizza, or maybe his six decades of age had an influence on his rock and roll brain.
As the curtain at The Auburn Hills Palace of The Piston Rings came up Springsteen immediately yelled out "Hello Ohio." The crowd suddenly stopped cheering and a deafening silence permeated throughout the sold-out arena.
The Boss, as his band, mother and wife call him, looked startled. He turned to his guitarist Little Stevie (Steve Van Zandt) and asked what gives.
Little Stevie told him that they weren't in Ohio. Springsteen could be seen mouthing the words, well where the heck are we then. Van Zandt gave him the three fingers down sign signifying Michigan.
Springsteen shook his head and said thanks. He then yelled out into the microphone "Hello Minnesota." The crowd became even more puzzled and started talking amongst themselves.
Someone yelled out, "Hey (Bob) Seger, what's your effen problem dude, we all paid damn good money to see you perform and the least you can freakin' do is get the name of our freakin' state right, punk...let me spell it out for you, Big M, little i-c-h-i-g-a-n and that spells out Michigan.
Another fan hollered out "Yeah, and to make it easier for ya, try this M-i-c, k-e-y, m-o-u-s-e. Mickey Mouse, which is the way your damn concert performance is lookin' right about now chump!"
Springsteen apologized and assured the people that he had not been drinking or doing anything else that would cloud his mind.
He then went into his 80s hit "Dancing In The Dark." When he hit the first note, the palace's lighting engineer, turned off every light in the arena.
When the song ended, he flipped the lights back on and Springsteen hollered out, "Thank you Missouri."
The crowd of Michiganders started booing. The booing became louder and louder. And then they began throwing automotive parts up onto the stage.
Little Stevie hollered out, "Hey look Boss, a carburetor, and over there, a radiator pressure cap."
One of the Springsteen roadies grabbed a knapsack and started picking up all of the automotive parts that the crowd was tossing up on stage.
The PA announcer came on and told the crowd that any further tossing of automotive parts onto the stage would not be tolerated.
He then said that if the person who tossed up the right rear 1962 Chevrolet Impala fender is caught his ass will be arrested and taken downtown to Police Headquarters.
Springy, as his hair stylist calls him, said that next they were going to do their big hit "I'm On Fire."
He then made the mistake of adding, "And I hope that you like it Mississippi." Well that did it, with that, the crowd grew tremendously hostile and started throwing up more automotive parts but this time they were lit.
All kinds of auto parts were now trajecting through the air. There were flaming alternators, brake drums, crank shafts, catalytic converters, and dipsticks flying through the air towards the stage like a flock of swallows on their way to Tierra Del Fuego, Argentina.
The palace's 147 smoke detectors all started going off and making a horribly deafening sound. It sounded like a World War II bombing of London by the no good mother effen Nazi pieces of German Shepherd shit Luftwaffe bombers.
The PA announcer informed the crowd that the concert was officially over. He then added, "Okay bros and sistas, that be it for tonight.
And y'alls better get yo asses on outta here rat now because the Minnesota National Guard, dammit, now the mofoing white bro has me doings it. I means to say, that the Michigan National Guard, of which four of my five brothers are members, have been called to comes on over and restores the disorderly order.
And it be my understanding that they has been instructed and given the permission to shoot any effen sumbitch or effen bitch who tosses a frickin' lit auto part at their asses."
The PA announcer then said, "Now, I be just saying."
He then reminded all of the concert goers to be sure and not forget to take their cars with them as they exit the palace's parking lot.
He thanked them and hollered out, "Go Lions!"