Written by Skoob1999
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Sunday, 15 November 2009

image for Rob Pattinson And Kristen Stewart's Twilight Movie Not All It's Cracked Up To Be
Crap Is Crap No Matter How You Dress It Up.

Following all the hype.

Spoof writer Skoob1999 was left to his own devices, drinking beer, as usual, and generally being silly and feeding the cats.

As his much beloved wife went to bed.

Leaving Skoob to watch a movie.

The movie he opted to watch was 'Twilight' starring Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart.

The old and wrinkly, stooped and crinkly, Spoof reporter, having heard of Rob and Kristen, felt really let down.

Expecting to see a sexy couple, as so often described by Spoof contributors, our man was horrified to note that Kristen Stewart looks about twelve years old, and that Robert Pattinson is about as impressive as a wet night in Wigan.

Skoob told us:

"The wife went up and said it was okay to watch a movie. I settled for 'Twilight' on account of all the hype surrounding Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart.

"He's a midget, and she's a baby. Not only that, the movie is a big bag of shite. It's dull, it's boring, the leading players are crap, and it's so damned bad that I'm going to bed as soon as I finish this beer."

Legendary movie director Roman Polanski was quick to jump to the film's defence.

"It's a sensitive treatment of a sensitive subject. One that an idiot like Skoob would struggle to get his partially formed brain around because the fool lacks sensitivity."

When we informed Skoob of these comments,, he told us:

"Fuck Roman Polanski. He can shove it up his Polack arse and go for a beer with Woody Allen and Gary Bastard Glitter. Leave the fuckers to it. I'm off to bed and bollocks to the lot of you.

"And while we're at it, 'Twilight's' still running on my TV and it's still crap. Kristen Stewart looks like she's about twelve years old, and Rob Pattinson looks like the world's biggest pussy.

"What a total sack of shit."

Well...

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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