The famous panel judge on many a television reality show, Simon Cowell is reportedly doing better after being declared dead only last night.
Doctors at the British Hospital say that Cowell walked into the emergency section late last night looking like he was stunned and when he didn't respond, even to a song from Les Miserables, was rushed to surgery where two different NHS doctors on duty declared him dead.
However, after a coroner was summoned and got to the hospital this morning sometimes, he found Cowell siting up in bed.
"I vote both of those NHS doctors off the hospital register", Cowell reportedly told the coroner. "I'm alive, right?"
"Why yes you are definitely alive, Sir. Do I look like Saint Peter to you?"
"No, just a peter. You're out too."
When questioned later, both doctors agreed that it might have been the fact that Cowell's heart seemed to be missing or they could hear no heart beat and there was nothing showing on the monitor, which was later discovered to be defective.
A staff person stated that the NHS had promised them a new heart monitor and that they had requested one six months earlier but none have arrived.
"Our surgical enema device is also backlogged", she told those investigating the affair.
"Well, I'm getting dressed and leaving", Cowell apparently told them. "Got a show to do. Sorry gents, but you're out. What you didn't realize is that my heart is two sizes too small."
"That man is a heal", stated one of the doctors. "He's as cuddly as a cactus & as charming as an eel."