HOLLYWOOD - In what Hollywood insiders are calling a desperate measure to try and improve the ratings for the fledgling Jay Leno Show NBC has announced that it has booked some heavy hitters to share the TV screen with Jay (pronounced "J").
The show's producers have booked Queen Elizabeth II, The Rolling Stones, Charles Manson, Fidel Castro, and Sarah Palin and her ex-future son-in-law Levi Johnston.
The Queen of England will appear on Monday and she will talk about her collection of 1,392 hats. She will also do a first ever stand up comedy routine incorporating jokes about Buckingham Palace, Big Ben, Come Strictly Dancing, and of course Amy Winehouse.
The producers of the show have been informed that the queen will also be revealing some never before known intimate bodily secrets and bedroom shenanigans regarding her daughter-in-law Camilla Bowles.
The Queen Mother has also agreed to take a few questions from the audience as long as they are not about age, weight, or cellulite.
Mick Jagger and The Rolling Stones will appear on Tuesday. They will perform three of their biggest hits, "I Can't Get No Satisfaction," "Jumping Jack Flash," and "Honky Tonk Woman."
Then Mick is scheduled to talk about the fact that he is still rocking and rolling at the age of 66. Jagger will also talk about his butt botox, his recent surgery to remove three female hormones from his nose, and his unique lip liposuction procedure.
Charles Manson will appear on Wednesday. He will be in handcuffs, leg chains, and a straight jacket. Charlie will be accompanied by eight shotgun carrying prison guards.
He will sit with Jay and talk about things that interest him like 60s music, 50s movies, 40s ballet, egotism, sarcasm, arrogance, and Clay Aiken.
Scheduled to appear on Thursday will be Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez and ex-Cuban President Fidel Castro. The two politicos Latinos will talk about who of the two has the worst accent. The audience will be asked at the end of the show to cast their vote.
And on Friday's show Jay will welcome ex-Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin, who will be appearing with her former ex-future son-in-law, and now PlayChick Magazine centerfold Levi Johnston.
The two will talk with Jay in a round-robin type discussion about some extremely deep intimate secrets that each one knows about the other including the caribou and condom incident, the frozen snowballs in the bikini thong panties prank, and the driving a snowmobile without a license or clothes arrest.
NBC executives hope to see an increase in Jay's viewer's numbers because lately his nightly viewer numbers have continued to fall and last week Wallace Goldenseal, a TV critic with TV Guideline Magazine wrote that last Friday, there was no one at all, not one person in Pennsylvania, Vermont, South Dakota, and Idaho watching The Jay Leno Show.