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Friday, 5 April 2002

Shocking news has come into the TheSpoof offices today, as Barrie and Paul Chuckle are reportedly being held in cells until further police questioning, in relation to the molestation of the corpse of beloved public figure, the late queen mother.

The brothers Chuckle are said to be "Helping police with their enquiries", says father Paul Daniels, who also says: "My boys have done nothing wrong, and given time that will be proved. And when it is I'll like that... not a lot, but I'll like it."

With the main piece of evidence for their arrest being a tape recording of the said act, involving such horrific acts as a "tug-o-war" with the corpse, which is heard as only "to you"... "to me"... "to you"... "to me"... the case against them seems strong, and there does not seem much hope for a light sentence.

The security in Westminster Hall was blamed mostly for the shocking nature of the attacks. Protecting the Queen Mother was only four members of the Welsh Guard, whose pin prick swords and "very nasty glares" were claimed to be able to frighten off the "fiercest dragons". In reality, a police chief told us they "ran away like little girls" when the Chuckles arrived with their barrage of ostrich eggs and a catapult.

The body was left lying in a state in Westminster hall so that final well wishers could say prayers wishing the QM safe passage to heaven where she can make television bosses stop showing constant programmes about her life. Rumours are that her ghost is particularly offended by the BBC's "Jennie Bond's Queen Mum Make-overs", where morribund grannies are given the QM look and then forced to tour Smithfields and the Cenotaph for up to 101 years.

The Chuckles are said to be enjoying their time inside, as it gives them plenty of time to practice their awful jokes, and grow their unsightly beards until the trial, which is scheduled for July 12th.

We await further news.

This story was brought to you by : Mark Lowton, David Swinstead, Rodd Justice and John Nugent.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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