In a hastily convened press conference at the Inn On The Park Hotel, in London's Park Lane (Just off Park Lane actually, but that's splitting hairs) the manager of the numero uno girl band in the world, the Bonkettes, BT Bishop announced that the girls would be resuming their world stadium tour after an inexplicable hiatus.
"We had some contractual problems," BT Bishop explained to a clamorous press battery. "Certain rogue promoters were trying to tempt the girls with offers of filthy lucre, and then we had the issue with Finchy, rapper 'The Full Inch' and his bedding of Kathy Legover, nee Trembler, which almost resulted in divorce proceedings. But I'm pleased to report that the girls are as united as ever, and hot to trot on their stadium tour."
Dancer, Bungalow Bob from Basingstoke, a member of non-gay dance troupe the Woodentops then took to the podium to announce how delighted he was that the tour is back on track.
"I'm delighted that the tour is back on track," he said.
When questioned as to the exact nature of the 'contractual problems' band manager BT Bishop, who once did backing vocals for David Bowie, told us:
"It was that bloody Max Stiffard again. Stuck his oar in he did, and he wanted the girls to play alongside bloody Jedward and Susan bloody Boyle. That prick Simon Cowell was in on it too. But the Bonkettes are right up there with the Stones and U2 when it comes to stadium gigs. We've even had Bruce and the E Street Band offering to play support. We don't need this X-Factor crap. We're a law unto ourselves."
Tommy Tank, the Bonkettes road manager announced that the band's next gig would be in Charleston, South Carolina.
Leading lady BJ Swallow told us as she swigged from a glass of surgical spirit:
"This should be good. Everthing's good. It always is. And if Robbie Williams thinks he's getting a support slot on the tour, he can kiss my ass. Although I do wish him all the best with his rehab. And Amy. Suckers."
More from Charleston SC as we get it.
And a big hats off to the Colonel for The Full Inch and Max Stiffard.