HOLLYWOOD - Susan Boyle sang her heart out on Dancing With The Stars and the audience rewarded her by giving her a standing ovation.
She later confided to British judge Len Goodman that she did not appreciate the couple dancing while she was singing up on stage. She said that they upstaged her and she stressed in no uncertain terms that it was friggin rude as 'ell (hell).
She told the crotchety 93-year-old English codger that she would never think of singing while the dance partners were dancing their competitive dance number.
Bruno Tonioli, the Italian judge, added that he did not blame her one Londonderry bit and he then pointed out that it had all been Bergeron's idea.
Carrie Ann Inaba, the Oriental judge, then stated that she did not think that it was such a big deal and that...Susan quickly cut her off and told her that no one cared what she had to say and that she would thank her to go back to her dressing room and make herself an effen bowl of Rice-A-Roni, which she added is still very much the San Francisco treat.
Host Tom Bergeron noticing that Ms. Susan was upset tried to kiss Boyle's ass, ouch, let me rephrase that.
Host Tom Bergeron noticing that Ms. Susan was upset tried to kiss Susan's ample derriere by saying that Susan was one of the greatest female singers to come down the pike since Celine Dion, Mariah Carey, and Miley Cyrus. He then thought for a moment and said, well maybe not Miley Cyrus.
Even judge Bruno "Donny and I Are Just Friends" Tonioli stated that if he really, really liked girls he would want to go out on a date with Susan and let her experience the sensational thrill of watching imported Italian bottle rockets erotically exploding over an Englishesque sunset-covered valley.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: I am not even going to remotely pretend that I have any earthly idea what Bruno meant.]
[WRITER'S NOTE: I know.]
Upon hearing the statement by "The Italian Non-Stallion" Len Goodman turned to Bergeron and remarked, "Holy London Bridge, tick-tocking Big Ben, and da queen's industrial-sized knickers, I swear on da English Channel dat I avin a clue as to what dis Italian groin gerbil is blimey friggin talkin' about."
Carrie Ann Inaba chimed in that she knew. Tom quickly cut her off and said, "No one cares anymore what you have to say Carrie Ann trust me."
He grinned and then added that the word on the street is that Paula "Touchdown" Abdul is waiting in the wings to take Carrie Ann Inaba's place when the current season ends.
SIDENOTE: A reliable source who spoke on the condition of anonymity stated that the shows two producers apologized to Susan Boyle and informed her that the two rude dancers who were dancing during her song are both going to be fined and put on probation. Boyle smiled and replied, "Well tis only fair innit?"