Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 9 November 2009

image for X-Factor: Jedward Stays, Lucie Jones Goes
An extreme and rather unfocused close-up photo of Lucie Jones when it was announced she was going home.

LONDON - Jedward, the Irish lads that Simon Cowell did not like, but then said that he kinda liked found themselves in the botton two along with Welsh singer Lucie Jones. The twin boys were saved from elimination by the pubic vote.

The 'tell it like it is' Cowell told both acts that personally he did not think that either one had a snowballs chance in hell of winning.

He said that the twins looked like they had OD'd on M&M's and Lucie looked like she had just found out that she had missed her period.

Louie Walsh told Simon to shut his pie hole. Simon turned over to Walsh and told him that if he wasn't careful he would fire his arse and he would see to it that he would have to hop over to France or Portugal to find another job.

Dannii and Cheryl both were smart enough to keep their luscious mouths closed.

Meanwhile the Grimes twins were fist-bumping each other as well as judges (Cheryl) Cole and (Dannii) Minogue. When Edward went to fist-bump Cheryl, his hand slipped and he ended up fist-tit bumping her instead.

Cheryl just smiled and Dannii laughingly asked if she could be next.

Lucie picked up her suitcase and said that she had to catch the next train back to Pentyrch, Wales, because she had a job interview in the morning.

X-Factor contestant Olly Murs said that he and Lucie had become somewhat close and he said that he was going to miss the cute little way she would wiggle her (blank) when she knew that he was looking.

He is also going to miss her great big succulent lips, which she had promised him he could kiss if she won.

Olly said that he thanked Lucie for giving him one of her bras so he could remember her by.

John and Edward are scheduled to fly to Berlin on Tuesday to cut the ribbon and sing two songs at the grand opening ceremonies of the city's newest McDonald's.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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