Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 9 November 2009

image for Strictly Come Dancing's Craig Kelly Told To Dance On Out The Door
Craig Kelly has donated his Strictly Come Dancing dancing shoes to The Simon Cowell Museum of Musical Stuff.

LONDON - Craig Kelly is this season's Strictly Come Dancing's eighth casualty.

The Lancashire native was asked to dance right on out of the Blackpool Tower Ballroom

His partner Flavia Cacace said that she will miss Craig's cute little way he would always say 'ello Flav.

Craig remarked that he will miss Flavia's sultry sensuality from her long gorgeous legs up to her sweet-looking (blank) and up to her two firm delicious (blanks).

The star of such British shows as Queer As Folk Heroes, Coronation Street Spoof, and The Blokes of Hotel Blimey was asked if he was upset at being eliminated.

He replied that he already knew that he was leaving. He stated that he had overheard judge Len Goodman talking to Bruno Tonioli and he heard Bruno say that it was Kelly's time to go.

When asked about Goodman and Tonioli's conversation, one of the shows producers said that the "Italian Non-Stallion" Tonioli denied it saying that what he actually said was "It is Kelly's time to show."

Last reports were that Len Goodman and Bruno Tonioli are being investigated by The United Kingdom Fair Practices Agency, a non-profit organization dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal, oops...ah please excuse the column malfunction.

We will get it fixed as soon as humanly possible but while we're waiting here is something to ponder. Why is it that salmon have to go upstream to mate? I mean, can't the little buggers effen do it where they're at?

And we're back. Craig Kelly has left the building.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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