According to the loveable icon, Mr. Mickey Mouse, "Eighty-one years of being an angelic weakling is more than enough. I've had it. It's time to break out of my shell and move on." Gail Farrelly has gotten the scoop, straight from the Mouse's mouth.
Sources have confirmed that Mickey plans to become tougher, sort of like a Mickey Rourke clone. The Mouse persona just doesn't do it for him any more. Studio executives have hired Sylvester Stallone to help him develop a Rocky-like persona. Mickey's limbs may at present be skinny and arthritic, but he is convinced that, with proper workouts at the gym and Rocky-like health drinks, this can definitely change.
"Say It ain't so, Mickey," many long-term fans of the loveable, gentle Mouse plead. But it's a plea that's falling on deaf ears. Big, floppy, deaf ears.
No one is more upset about the makeover than Mickey's longtime girlfriend Minnie. "Mickey, I hardly knew ye," she's been whining. She's confided to friends: "A good Mouse is hard to find." Unable to contain her tears, she's used up hundreds of polka-dot handkerchiefs in the past few weeks.
A PR firm is considering a multitude of offers from various sources in entertainment media for the new, tough, physically fit Mickey. An appearance on "Dancing with the Stars," possibly partnered with the leggy Stacy Keibler (in a return appearance), is a possibility. Still under discussion, however, is whether Keibler can be trusted to control her powerful legs and wrestling tendencies, so that she will not squish Mr. Mouse on the dance floor. Negotiations continue.