Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: Angelina Jolie

Saturday, 7 November 2009

image for Angelina Jolie Says She'll Fight Jennifer Aniston To The Gates of Hell To Keep Brad Pitt
Angelina Jolie says Jennifer Aniston will not take Brad away from her.

PARIS, France - Angelina Jolie in town on a shopping spree told a reporter for the highly reputable French fashion magazine Toute La Verite that she will not give up Brad Pitt without a fight.

The much-tattooed actress said that ever since Brad-Brad, as she calls Pitt, dumped the poor little blonde girl she has been trying to get him back from her so bad that she can taste his (blank).

Jolie went on to say that the entire world knows that Aniston has no trouble getting a man, but keeping him is something that she has never learned how to do.

Jolie was asked why she feels it is that Aniston cannot seem to hold on to a man.

She replied that the answer is a very easy one. She grinned, adjusted her 'puppies' (tits) and she took a swig out of her bottle of Southern Comfort.

She then pooched her botoxed lips out and said that Assniston (her word) cannot keep a man because she does not possess anything that a man cannot do without or at least that he cannot get from some other woman without all of the antics of having to deal with a drama queen slash egotistical prima donna slash spoiled conceited diva no slash.

Jolie then rolled her eyes and said that Brad had told her some very intimate things about Jennifer's (blank) which he said that he has never told anyone before.

When asked to elaborate she said that she would rather not. When she was asked the next question, she replied, "Okay, okay, I'll tell you if you insist."

Jolie said that Brad had told her that Jen has a mole on her (blank) that when she lays down looks like the outline of the state of West Virginia.

She noted that Brad told her that the cellulite around the mole when the light hits it just right looks like the Appalachian Mountains.

Angelina has stated that there have been many beautiful women who have tried to take Brad from her and that everyone of them has failed.

Jolie was asked why that was. She raised her eyebrows, and she proceeded to lick her upper lip with her quite extensive tongue.

She then replied that she has the unique capability of performing some sensuously erotic acts with her tongue and ample set of facial lips that most women would never even remotely dream of doing.

And so the Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Aniston Saga continues. Where it will end no one knows. But we do know one thing. We will be providing you with the intimate details as they become available.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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