Written by Bureau
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Topics: Katie Couric

Saturday, 7 November 2009

image for Katie Couric, Still Desperate For Higher Ratings, Modeling New Wigs, Implants
"Live From Outside The Odam, Utah Soccer Field!"

In yet another attempt to boost the CBS News ratings, news anchor Katie Couric will be leaving the desk behind and hit the road for the next six months, opening up kissing booths in every state of the union.

Traveling personnel say that she claims she's kissed Obama's ass so much this will have to be an improvement.

In a practice run reviewed by reporters, including me, it went will go something like this:

"Tonight we come to you from windy downtown Paducah, the Soho of the South, and here in her kissing booth is anchor woman, Katie Couric:"

"Yes, lift the piggy up and I'll kiss...are we on? OK! Tonight we have the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus for you kids, Cupid for you lovers and an a near naked Tinkerbell for many others. We'll be interviewing Santa first later in the show. For now, watch these latest 27 commercials and you'll get a tee-shirt I have tried on without a bra."

"Smack...yuck, skull..OK! Next, let's see. Really windy out here and there go the notes, maybe with my job with them. In the news tonight, (they're in the Ohio River?)...The USS Contraption was sunk by Somali pirates off the coast of...Austria! Nissan has announced that they will quit building cars and go back to war planes in view of the threat from North Korea. And, finally, uh..Pope Benedict HIV tested out his new popemobile at the Utah Salt Flats going over 200 MPH and leaving the ground three times!"

"Remember, there will be plenty of updates on these and other world shaking events mentioned by characters on our all-comedy night episodes throughout the evening, brought to you by Ford, our sponsor. Remember, if you don't own a Ford, you will die in a horrible accident."

"We're back! We're back? OK, we're back. Next, let's all get real quiet for the next 15 minutes and see what the other news stations are saying about the rest of the news. Julio, bring out the Big Screen!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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