Written by Skoob1999
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Friday, 6 November 2009

image for Cheryl Cole's Secret Sex Life
Chelsea Shirt Implicated.

Hot on the heels of personal revelations pertaining to the sex life of Aussie actress Nicole Kidman, I decided that I'd better run a follow up story pretty quickly to capitalise on the abject failure of the last one.

So I asked X-Factor judge, Girls Aloud star, and chart topping solo artiste Cheryl Cole to reveal the nitty gritty about her sex life.

She flatly refused, telling me that what she got up to in the privacy of her own home was between herself, Ashley, and nobody else.

Undeterred, I went to consult a sex therapist in London's Kings Cross, Tracy Humpajump. She told me that Cheryl Cole was a bit of an enigma, a dark horse, but I persisted.

"Okay," Humpajump told me. "For starters, she's only five foot three. She just looks taller. She's probably quite passionate sometimes, and not interested at others. She can be a bit fiery but she can also be very tender. She-"

"We know all that!" I protested. "Tell us about the kinky stuff!"

After inhaling deeply, Humpajump told me:

"It probably involves football shirts. And microphones. And exotic music. Probably a Sir Alex Ferguson rubber mask too."

All of which told me precisely nothing and set me back £150

More as I get it. If I get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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