Written by Bureau
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Topics: Susan Boyle

Friday, 6 November 2009

image for Is Susan Boyle Losing Her Mind?
This Also Happened To John May, Pictured Here At A Session!

Singer Susan Boyle, the Builder's Bardot, has developed a severe memory loss that may soon ruin her career unless a cure can be found and found soon!

Rumors abound, mostly instigated by this reporter, that Susan may be losing her marbles.

He stated that Ms. Boyle claims that on her recent trip to the United States for the first time and while she was in Orlando, Florida, she decided that she would slip out and enjoy herself in a way that she had always only dreamed about.

Apparently Ms. Boyle disguised herself and slipped out to go to a theme park and ride a roller coaster called "The Mindbender" until she was sore.

"Well, she was sore soon enough", stated the rep. "On her sixth ride, apparently her seat belt broke and she banged her head and bruised her body through the entire last half of the ride. She then hobbled back to her hotel room and didn't tell anyone about it. This was about two months ago."

"So far, she has sang three Broadway hits while on stage and then suddenly, she goes into old hymns she's sang at church for 30 years. On the other hand, she was embarrassed at church when she found herself completing "I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles".

That was when Susan herself...with rollers in her hair and mud on her face, walked in a sat down.

"You've heard what I've said. Want to tell them the rest, Honey?"

"Might as well. Apparently the lick on my noggin was worse than I thought. It's resulted in memory loss and periods of time that I can't recall at all."

"I have found myself with salted porridge in the mornings as the last thing I remembered I was eating soup. You ever eat porridge with crumbled biscuits?"

"Then there was the time I was sitting on the commode in the dressing room and suddenly I hear a noise and I look up to discover that I am in a theater and it's too late, I've let a big one go..so embarrassing......where am I? I thought I was in bed. Excuse the rollers. I better go."

The rep then took up the story, explaining that they are seeking medical help from several sources.

"The management thought we could at least keep making money off the old gal as the ride is owned by Dizney and we could sue for millions! But the judge threw it out."

When I asked him why the judge would throw out the case, he answered while shaking his head.

"The judge asked us how we could prove that she was ever actually there."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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