Written by Thibarine
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Thursday, 5 November 2009

image for Chinese ambassador Madam Fu claims she's up for a sandwich with X-Factor's John and Edward Grimes

Madam Fu Ying has hit out at press reports that she dislikes her neighbours Jedward by sending an open letter to the media declaring her support for the Irish twins.

"Their perseverance, work ethic, dedication to excellence and ability to look good in red are exactly the sort of qualities that has made China such a great nation" said Madam Fu. "In fact, regardless of their progress on the show, I will be inviting the twins to join me for afternoon tea - Lapsong Souchong, naturally."

She confirmed her aversion was actually reserved for the underage jailbait hanging round the street commando and attracting undesirable elements such as her husband, who keeps asking them if they've ever had a Chinese.

In another development, the X-Factor's executive producer has demanded Rachel's hair back due to the credit crunch. "We can't be giving perfectly good hair away in a recession" he asserted. "Besides, we might need it in case Simon's pet judge Cheryl wants to change her look."

The flame-haired five foot three stunner has been barred from changing her hair colour or style ever since she leased her head to L'Oreal for an undisclosed sum. Because she's worth it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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