Written by Skoob1999
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Thursday, 5 November 2009

image for Russell Brand Shows Katy Perry A Trick Or Two - Announces He Wants To Settle Down
Quick Katy! Let's Get This Shit Over With! Little Winky Woo Wants To Play!

Tatty headed comedian, actor, one time junkie, and close friend of Fawlty Towers actor, Andrew 'Manuel' Sachs, the one and only Russell Brand has reportedly shown new squeeze Katy Perry a 'trick or two.'

Perry, an MTV presenter and songstress artiste who allegedly once kissed a girl and liked it, appears to have swung dramatically away from girlie kissing and cuddling and has welcomed the new man in her life with open...arms...

The pair have been almost inseparable recently in LA and have been seen and photographed a huggin-and-a-kissin countless times.

As I am in possession of every single grain of dirt on the happy couple, I managed to get comments from both of them regarding their relationship status.

Brand told me:

"I've done the rounds with my little winky woo, and I think it's time to settle down now. I'd like to buy a nice little place in the Hollywood Hills and have kids. I'm out looking for a new bedpost as we speak. The old one's totally fucked. Whittled away into near oblivion."

Katy Perry told me:

"Considering he's been up to the nuts in Satanic Sluts and God only knows how many other safe havens, his little winky woo is in surprisingly good shape. A little frazzled around the edges, but otherwise okay."

I didn't ask what the 'couple of tricks' were - I already know. I got the dirt. Every grain...

More when I'm ready.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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