Written by Abel Rodriguez
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Thursday, 5 November 2009

image for Rev. Al Sharpton Demands The Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader Who Impersonated Lil' Kim Be Fired!
Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader Wilma Sue Catskill can be seen at the far left corner towards the back.

DALLAS - Rev. Al Sharpton has phoned Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones and demanded that he immediately fire the blonde Cowboys cheerleader who put on black face make up and impersonated rapper Lil' Kim at a Halloween party.

Cowboys owner Jones responded to Sharpton's demands by saying, "Hey Sharpy baby how about we do this instead. Let me put some black makeup all over my white honky butt and then you get down and kiss my old black ass, now whatcha say to that idea bro?"

Rev. Sharpton said that he was not amused. Jones called Sharpton and told him he saw pictures and a video of his cheerleader identified as Wilma Lou Catskill and that he saw nothing offensive or anything that was done by her in a derogatory manner.

Jones even stated that in his opinion, Catskill's version of Lil' Kim was a whole lot prettier than the real Lil' Kim, but that it was just his own personal 'cracker' opinion.

A spokesperson for the Dallas Cowboys organization Martha Marchachingko issued a corporate statement saying that Miss Catskill's impersonation of Lil' Kim was done with the utmost dignity, class, taste, and respectability.

She even added that Lil' Kim was shown the video of the Halloween party and she laughed so hard she fell of her chair and scraped her left elbow a 'lil' bit.

But meanwhile the East Coast Rev. Sharpton said, "Well let me says dis about dat. You can puts a real pretty prom dress and real pretty high heel shoes on a possum but ya know, it don't make the possum a swan, it do however make da possum still to be a possum if ya get my somewhat drifted drift per se, if ya will."

Jones responded by saying, "Reverend, what in the hellacious hell did you just say dude? I mean do me a favor and go in the bathroom and dust some of that ghetto shit off bro. I swear, what's the word y'all use?...yeah fashizzle."

Wilma Lou Catskill was asked to comment and she said that she was not impersonating Lil' Kim. She said that she was impersonating Cheers' star Ted Danson impersonating Lil' Kim.

Cowboys owner Jerry Jones said that as far as he was concerned the matter was closed. When informed that Rev. Al Sharpton was on his way to Dallas from New York City, he placed a call to his field goal kicker Nick Folk and told him to be ready because he may need him to kick the East Coast reverend through the Cowboy Stadium uprights (goal posts).

The nation's foremost discrimination attorney Remington Franklin Bankhouse of Boston was asked to give his opinion on Rev. Sharpton's statement.

Bankhouse who's courtroom record in discriminatory lawsuits is 791-2, said that there was absolutely nothing wrong with Miss Catskill impersonating Lil' Kim.

He went on to say that as pretty as Miss Catskill is, and as fantastically gorgeous as her body is, she was actually doing Lil' Kim a favor by making her look a whole lot better (i.e. taller, slimmer, and sexier) than she actually is.

Bankhouse, who last year was named the Best Lawyer East of The Mississippi River added that for example if Miss Catskill had impersonated say Oprah Winfrey, by wearing four pillows as tits and four pillows as an ass, then Rev. Al would have the right to complain and cry like the little Bronx crybaby that he is.

SIDENOTE: A source very close to Mr. Jones said that the Cowboys owner called Miss Catskill into his office and he presented her with a $500 gift certificate to Victoria's Secret. He also gave her the entire Lil' Kim CD Collection

Make Abel Rodriguez's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 5 multiplied by 1?

9 5 2 8
73 readers are online right now!

Go to top