Written by Skoob1999
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Tuesday, 3 November 2009

image for Cheryl Cole Only 5' 3" (63") Tall Shocker
All Reet Pet?

Shocking revelations today here in London when it was revealed that X-Factor judge and chart topper who mimes to her latest 'hit' live, allegedly, Cheryl Cole was revealed to stand only 5' 3" tall, according to critics.

The medium of film and television has continually flattered to deceive, and in Cheryl's case this has been no exception to the rule. Wearing high heeled shoes she has convinced a lot of red blooded males that she is a statuesque Amazonian type lady.

When in reality, she is a bit of a short-arse.

Who could no more hold a tune than John and Edward, the Dublin twins with the freaky hairstyles who persist in persisting on the crap talent show.

We consulted a leading Manchester image guru, who is currently up for nomination as Michelle Obama's ' Look Mom No Bingo Wings' Champion how come such a situation could come to pass?

"It's just an illusion," he told us. "Cheryl, like many other media stars, is somewhat vertically challenged. But she's not alone in that. Tom, Al, Bobby, they ain't big guys - shit, half if not all of them would struggle to reach a taxi doorhandle, and would be passed by in the street unnoticed."

In the meantime, Jedward aka John and Edward Grimes, championed by champion salivator Louis Walsh
decided to up the ante by sporting vertical hairstyles.

A spokesperson for EQUANIMITY, the actor and performer's union told us:

"Cheryl is a bit of a short arse, but we love her dearly because of her 'girl next door' persona, so we can let the height thing go.

"We struggle to come to terms with the fact that she married the most egotistical short arse in internmational football, but what the hell..."

Exactly.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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