England International and Manchester United star Wayne Rooney today became a proud father for the first time. Wife, Colleen gave birth to a little boy, whom the couple are reported to be naming, Kai Wayne.
The couple decided to have the birth in Liverpool so that baby Kai would always be able to say that he is a true Scouser, just like Mum and Dad.
We managed to speak to an assistant on duty at the birth, who told us that baby Kai was a right chip off the old Rooney block. She told us:
"You can tell Kai is Wayne's baby. As soon as he came out, he slid across the birthing suite floor on his knees, whacked a drip-feed stand, shouted "Yesss! Fucking GET IN THERE!" Then he ran across the room to the midwife and started gesticulating wildly, his cute, pudgy little face contorted with anger. When one of the nurses winked at him, he went mad."
Baby Kia then went quietly to his mother.
But not before he'd booted a cuddly toy into the curtains!
On behalf of Skoob News Corporation, dot thingy, we'd like to extend our heartfelt congratulations to Colleen and Wayne, because previous fears that the baby's ears could be an impediment to his passage through the birth canal were proven to be unfounded. Baby Kai has normal ears and in no way resembles a football trophy.
More as we get it.