Mad as a hornet, Britney Spears apparently sent police officers to an apartment complex in Queens and told them that an unnamed 16-year-old Harold Shelby had been abusing her every night this past week.
After awakening the lad, his father and mother called the family attorney before allowing the boy to be questioned.
"He's been in his bed from 10PM to 7AM in the morning all week", the unnamed Harold's dad told the officers. "He has been nowhere near Ms. Spears."
Finally, upon calling on Ms. Spears, she told the officers that the boy had abused her in his dreams to the point that she was afraid to go to sleep at night.
"I just drop off and there he is with his little willy rubbing all over me and into every crevice he can find. Then he makes me get up and dance around naked. The rest is a lot worse but you ask HIM, the little pervert!"
Finally by morning everything had been sorted out. The unnamed Harold agreed to listen to subliminal sports tapes while he slept, of him hitting the game-winning home run or making a game-winning catch in the end zone.
"Yes, this is the police."
"This is Britney Spears! You gotta go wake that kid in Queens! You wouldn't believe the type of touchdown celebration he's doing to me over there!"