Written by W.P. Wonder
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Monday, 2 November 2009

image for Answered at last: Why Led Zeppelin's songs were so long.
It's actually going over . . . must not be made of lead.

Off the record, to a well-connected insider during an unguarded, vulnerable moment, lead singer/guitarist Robert Page at long last revealed the greatest mystery surrounding the legendary band: why their songs seemed to go on and on.

And on!

The answer, to say the least, was quite surprising.

No, it had nothing to do with providing their fans with ample opportunity to thrill to the group's primordial heavy metal sound. Neither had it anything to do with inducing an extended groove in the listener, inspired by instrumentals fused together by esoteric admixtures of blues, folk, classical, Celtic, etc., etc.

Said the front man, Page, "We were an album-oriented rock band. The album at the expense of the single, that was our motto. So, the longer the songs, the quicker the album filled up, the less we had to think. Essentially, we were just a bunch of lazy hippy bums trying to make a quick buck."

Could this be true!? When former band-mate Jimmy Plant was confronted with this scandalous motivation, he hazily replied, "Didn't I die in 1980?

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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