The constant reading of magazines and articles on the internet, such as this one, is the major cause of many Americans going out and drinking and shedding their clothes.
"I quit wearing panties after that article and pic of Britney", stated one 84-year-old grandmother. "Why should I spend my social security money on panties or even diapers? If I piss, I piss!"
It seems that the constant "Lindsay Lohan Pukes On Her New Girlfriend" has taken it's toll also as more and more Americans turn to drink.
"That's why I drink", stated completely nude AA lifetime member, 77-year-old Davis Pooharty. "I see Mel Gibson, a big Hollywood star and American Patriot, at least in the movies, and he's drunk as a skunk and so, I've followed him."
When it was pointed out to Pooharty that he had been a drunk since 19, before Mel Gibson was born, he began yelling and calling us Jews!
Meanwhile, Goth addicted Millie Santana, 74, stated that she used to be a part of another group but that black was now the only color for her.
"They have 29 shades of black at Home Depot", she told us.
"I used to be a Quaker and wore black & white but I just don't like white. It shows up dirt."