Written by matwil
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Topics: Americans

Saturday, 31 October 2009

image for 'Let's Just Take Ourselves A Bit Too Seriously' movie premieres today
The Two Stooges

The movie premiere of American film 'Let's Just Take Ourselves A Bit Too Seriously', starring Denzel Washington, Barack Obama and Julia Roberts, was shown today in the village of Ginocide, Nebraska.

American critics were already heaping praise on the film, one calling it 'Yet another perfect example of Americans taking themselves too seriously', but other critics were less kind.

'How many times can the same Americans like Washington and Roberts and Obama play the same ridiculous parts?', British critic Bazza Normal said, 'acting as if they're the most important people in the world, as they appear in yet another formulaic cartoon movie that children outside of America would find boring.'

And French critic Bidet Barcelona-Borg said 'Les Americaines, pah! They copy our films, and they believe they make them themselves. Bah! And pah! Especes des cochons cowardaise.'

But US President Barack Obama, who co-stars in the film, had this to say. 'People of America, people of the world, this is 2009, and the world has grown smaller, far, far smaller than we, of all people, could have imagined.'

'And the brain cells and attention spans of American movie fans have now grown so small that, as long as I use long words and look grave, and talk as if I'm the most self-important human being on - let us hence say - the planet, then, while we may not turn into a waffling bore on an almost Neil Kinnock level,

we will, we shall, we can, we most certainly will can shall be laughed at by the rest of the world, and cry ourselves to - another subclause here - what we can only pad out as the word sleep, padded into a nice, long sentence to hide the fact that I never really say anything of - substance.'

After hundreds of years of being isolated with nothing better to do than write books and then make films about themselves being the mightiest country in the world, something any isolated people could do and believe was true, the 20th. Century suddenly made Americans realise that the USA is in fact a rather bland and unimportant country.

But the shock of finding out that 99% of the human race thought that then sent Hollywood into overdrive, and their only option to get Americans to keep watching movies was to make ones showing Americans taking themselves more and more seriously.

Until it became unintentionally funny, and garbage like the 'Lethal Weapyawn' franchise and 'The Matrix Bore' became cult comedies for the rest of the world, basically talentless actors taking themselves and being American too seriously to laughter across the planet.

'When a nation has to rely on cartoons like 'The Simpsons' for any hint of laughing at themselves, man, they're in trouble', Denzel Washington said. 'But as long as the mugs keep believing being American means being important, we'll keep on churning out crap for them. Don't forget, most Americans don't live in cities and have never left the USA, all they know about the world is from American TV and movies. Sad.'

Orson Welles was about to remake the classic film 'Citizen Kane', but gave up, saying 'Look at America now, what's the point? My lager adverts were more intelligent and interesting than 99% of Hollywood films nowadays. Probably.'

Barack Obama is ridiculous.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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