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Thursday, 29 October 2009

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Stephenie Meyer, according to one of the most truthful of Hollywood Newshound mags, The Truth Tattler, has decided to do one more Twilight book and kill off the whole lot.

"I thinks she's sick to death of all the little shits", stated one insider to our reporter, Ernest Sincere. "She told me that the weirdo actor player in the title role looks like he just shit his pants and has kept running his hands through his hair because he doesn't know whether to high tail it to the toilet or go blind."

She went on to indicate that Meyer will enjoy killing them off one by one and going to a psychiatrist later to have them removed from her brain.

"If I ever hear the word 'Vampire' again", she is reported as saying, "I'll suck the blood out of that person myself, with some medical gear."

The friend also stated that Meyer is tired of signing books and asked to be addressed to "So & So Cullen". "They're all So & So Shitheads" as far as I'm concerned."

"She plans to burn most of them at the stake after torturing them with erasers."

"She also said the lead actor always looked like her tits were in a twist."

Then the "friend" left. Someone named "Rowling or Rewling".

Upon his return to the Tattler, our reporter was surprised to hear of three new Twilight books coming out by Stephenie Meyer and planning many more.

"Well kiss my ass!"

Stephenie Meyer, according to one of the most truthful of Hollywood Newshound mags, The Truth Tattler, has decided to do one more Twilight book and kill off the whole lot.

"I thinks she's sick to death of all the little shits", stated one insider to our reporter, Ernest Sincere. "She told me that the weirdo actor player in the title role looks like he just shit his pants and has kept running his hands through his hair because he doesn't know whether to high tail it to the toilet or go blind."

She went on to indicate that Meyer will enjoy killing them off one by one and going to a psychiatrist later to have them removed from her brain.

"If I ever hear the word 'Vampire' again", she is reported as saying, "I'll suck the blood out of that person myself, with some medical gear."

The friend also stated that Meyer is tired of signing books and asked to be addressed to "So & So Cullen". "They're all So & So Shitheads" as far as I'm concerned."

"She plans to burn most of them at the stake after torturing them with erasers."

"She also said the lead actor always looked like her tits were in a twist."

Then the "friend" left. Someone named "Rowling or Rewling".

Upon his return to the Tattler, our reporter was surprised to hear of three new Twilight books coming out by Stephenie Meyer and planning many more.

"Well kiss my ass!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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