Animal rights activists who were concerned about beastiality were relieved to discover that comedian Chelsea Handler is in the newest edition of Playboy magazine, not Chelsea Clinton.
Gertrude Lutz of The Society for Prevention of Sex with House Pets and Barnyard Animals admitted that "when we heard Chelsea was going to be on the cover and inside the magazine, we were scared that some poor golden retreiver was going to get nailed. We figured that a horny man with a magazine would take out his desires for livestock with Fido or Bossy if he saw Ms. Clinton naked."
"Now that we know it is really the hot, blonde, attractive comedian, we don't have a problem and Fluffy is safe. Crank it up, boys!"
Chelsea Clinton will be a cover girl this month, but it is on the cover of an equestrian magazine (hint: she's the one wearing clothes).