WAPAKONETA, Ohio - The Great Grandma Buckeye Halloween Costume, Mask, and Outfit Company of Wapakoneta has just announced that the number one selling scariest Halloween Trick or Treat mask for 2009 is the Roman Polanski mask.
Company President Saxon Pasquale Tipton, III, said that his company has already shipped a record-breaking 28 million RoPo masks. He said that 6 million alone have gone to the Greater Los Angeles area.
Tipton said that this year's Polanski mask has already surpassed the previous highest selling scariest Halloween Trick or Treat mask of all time, the President George W. Bush mask.
When asked what other scary Halloween masks are top-sellers, Tipton replied that the next top four masks in order of sales are; (2) Amy Winehouse, (3) Kanye West, (4) Ann Coulter, and (5) The Chupacabra.
He added that for some reason not one Roman Polanski mask has been purchased by any store or any individual in Texas.
Tipton said that he was very curious about this so he decided to call up his good friend Peter Holt who is the owner of the San Antonio Spurs.
When Mr. Holt was asked why not a single Roman Polanski mask has been sold in the Lone Star state he replied, "Well fella, let me explain it to ya. It's like this. Here in Texas we used to hang horse thieves. Today we simply strap them into Old Sparky, flip the switch, and barbecue their thievin' asses (butts).
Now, in regards to that Roman Pooperscooper feller or whatever his name is, us Texans look at him as one step above a horse thief. So let me ask you this. If you was (were) a little bitty Texas youngun' would you want to go around trick or treating wearing a Roman Polanski mask?"
The answer to that question is a resounding big as Dallas "Hell no!"
Peter Holt likened it to kids in New York City wearing a Bernard Madoff mask, or kids in Washington D.C. wearing a Glenn Beck mask.
Holt added, "Why hell, the object of going around trick or treating in the first place is to get you a big old batch of candies...it certainly ain't to get your little bottom kicked at every house you go to."
Mr. Holt told Mr. Tipton that his three little grandsons will be wearing modern day 'Three Stooges' masks. He grinned took a sip of his iced tea and replied, "Yep, my three little grandboys are dressing up as Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, and Bill O'Reilly."