HOLLYWOOD - Donny "The Stormin' Mormon" Osmond once again showed that the Man from Utah is a virtual dancing machine.
Donny and his dance partner Kym Johnson pretty much covered every square foot of the studio dance floor with their jitterbug rendition of "Jitterbuggin' To The Railroad Jitterbuggin' JuJu Bug."
Osmond was dressed as a railroad engineer and Kym was dressed as a railroad conductor and together they took their foot-stompin' passenger train up and down the rails at a full-throttle rate of speed.
The 51-year-old Donny showed that he has no trouble keeping up with the much younger dancing gal from down under (i.e. Australia). The two railroaders received three 8's from the judges.
Judge Carrie Ann Inaba said that Donny reminded her of Fred Astaire except maybe not as good.
Len Goodman, the usually grouchy old British chap must have taken some kind of stress-relieving pills because he was in the best mood he has been in the past three years.
Goodman said that not only did Osmond do a fantastic job of dancing the jitterbug, he seems to have also gotten much cuter just in the past week.
Len went on to say that in his opinion, Donny is much better looking than Brad Pitt, George Clooney, and Antonio Banderas, but not in a gayish way of course.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: The word on the street is that one of Donny Osmond's biggest fans is Sal Goombalini, head of New York's infamously notorious Goombalini family. An unnamed source said that Goodman recently received a nice cordial letter from Mr. Goombalini with a photo of a pair of cement shoes enclosed.]
Bruno "The Italian Non-Stallion" Tonioli said that Donny is such a stud, who commands the room, and not because of what he possesses within his pants, but with what he does with his feets (Bruno's words).
Brunito, as Donny calls him on occasion, made goo-goo eyes at Donny and said that someday if it is okay with Donny's wife, Mrs. Osmond, he would like to take Donny to Venice, Italy and ride on a gondola while Donny sings "Puppy Love" to him in broken Italian.
Donny smiled and told Bruno that he will have to check his schedule but that he will certainly get back with him.
A inside source said that ex-Cowboy dancer Michael Irvin said backstage that them white boys will do anything to win.
SIDENOTE: TV Guideline Magazine is reporting that Donny and Bruno should begin filming on their new sit-com The Fruits of Napa Valley shortly after Thanksgiving Day.