Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 7 November 2009

image for South Korea's Wonder Rice Girls To Be Susan Boyle's Opening Act
A photo taken of Susan Boyle in 1999, as she sat in her home watching The Benny Hill Show.

LONDON - After weeks of speculation Simon Cowell, president of 19th Hole Productions, and manager of Susan Boyle has stated that he has signed the all-girl South Korean group, The Wonder Rice Girls to be Susan Boyle's opening act.

The Susan Boyle Raging Hormones Tour kicks off December 7, 2009 in Shanghai's China Closet Stadium, which holds 170,000 people or 340,000 if they each have someone sit on their lap.

The Wonder Rice Girls who range in age from 17 to 21 were the winners of South Korean Luminary, which is the equivalent of America's American Idol or Britain's X-Factor.

The singing group, which is similar in aspect names to England's Spice Girls is comprised of Sun (Steamed Rice) 21; Shin (Fried Rice) 20; Jin (Puffed Rice) 19; Moon (Wild Rice) 19; and Rachel (Condi Rice) 17.

Simon Cowell says that the South Korean girls have already become more popular than legendary South Korean recording artists such as Moon Yung Shin Soo, Shin Moon Yung Foo, Blue Moon Jin Soon, and The Lili Soon Moon Pie Accordion Trio.

The Wonder Rice Girls' first hit was a song written by Mick Jagger of the Rolling Stones and is entitled "Don't Touch My Body Until I Say 1,2,3, Go."

The sexually attractive all-girl band dresses in 60's doo-wop wardrobe and 60's hairstyles. Their music has been described as Korean contemporary rock with a slight bubble gum - rice pudding flavor.

Simon Cowell has secured the rights for the Wonder Rice Girls to perform songs from such noted artists as The Rolling Stones, The Animals, The Kinks, The Hollies, and The Yardbirds.

Cowell said that he has hired the services of Louisiana stand-up comedian Zydeco Dupree to add his touch of humor to the songs by the above established artists.

Dupree, with Cowell's permission has revealed the seven song set that The Wonder Rice Girls will be performing:

  • Jumping Jack Flashlight - The Rolling Stones
  • The House Of The Rising Son-of-A-Bitch - The Animals
  • Shapes Of Thighs - The Yardbirds
  • Paint It African-American - The Rolling Stones
  • Long Fool Woman (In A Black Dress) - The Hollies
  • Dedicated Follower Of Fashizzle - The Kinks
  • Rudy Wednesday - The Rolling Stones

Susan Boyle told a reporter for the BBC that her manager, Simon Cowell originally wanted for the popular all-girl band from the United Kingdom, The Bonkettes to be her opening act.

But unfortunately the deliciously luscious girl band is right in the middle of their extensive record-breaking world-wide tour.

SIDENOTE: The Bonkettes who are the most famous band to come out of England since that other band who's name also begins with a "B" The Beatles are managed by the number one music guru in all of Great Britain, Sir Spoofer Skoob.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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