It was no contest at the Ritz in London last night, when, after a lavish dinner and much mutual ego masturbating, televisions 'Top Gear' was, amongst much pomp and posturing, declared this years winner of the prestigious 'Arrogant Bastards of the Year' Award.
The world's tallest man, Jeremy Clarkson of Gloucestershire, and the world's shortest man, Richard Hammond, of somewhere else, joined forces to bring the world the most amazing televisual experience in the history of the idiot tube. Clarkson first mooted the idea during an afternoons prol shooting on his farm outside Lower Downplease in the beautiful Cotswold countryside. Hammond, always one to please, and in awe of Clarkson's majestic beer gut, agreed immediately, and Top Gear was born.
'The show has gone on to consistently draw viewers in their dozens,' enthused Hammond, 'and only threatened to fail once, when the face of mediocrity, James May was hauled from his job as traffic offence counter at the Centre for Statistical Excellence in Worthing to join Jezzer and me, and complete the triumvirate that everyone knows and loves.'
Although figures threatened to plummet with the arrival of May, Clarkson's brilliantly innovative suggestion that he grow his hair into a foppish, dishevelled mop won over the female viewing contingent and ensured Top Gear's dominance in the competitive world of Boy's Toys TV.
Caravan wrecking, beer swilling and general ego massaging have taken our intrepid trio to the giddy heights of public adulation, culminating in the 'Arrogant Bastards of the Year' Award.
It is with much affection that this reporter congratulates the Top Gear team on its award.
Well done lads.