Mumbai - (Delhi-Belly-Flop): The film, based on Indian Bummer: The Secret Hystery of the U-Bend of an Empire, was to have told the story of Lord Mountbatten, the last viceroy of the British Indian Empire.
Hollywood sources commented today that the movie was scrapped because family members were said to be livid at proposed scenes of Lady Mountbatten shagging Jawaharlal Nehru, India's first prime minister, Mahatma Ghandi and just about every wannabe politician of the British Raj.
Blanchett was to have played the notorious Lady M, known for her voracious sexual appetite.
She has also been blamed by the royal family for getting Princess Diana hooked on colonic irrigation during the height of her heroin addiction.
Peristalsis is a condition that occurs during opiate addiction when the bowel stops working properly.
During the cold war years it was also George W Bush's secret KGB code name.
Pumping a couple of gallons of organic free trade camomile tea into the elimination works sometimes opens up the sluices.