DOVER, Delaware - TV Guideline Magazine is reporting that due to the extremely erotic, sensuous, and sexy-as-hell hip gyrations by Shakira which she performed on Dancing With The Stars, the Colombian-born little firecracker's hips have been banned in the states of Delaware, Vermont, and Utah.
A congresswoman from Vermont, Constance Casserole, 51, said that the way Shakira was twisting and undulating was tremendously disgusting, distressing, disturbing, and disconcerting. [EDITOR'S NOTE: Damn, and that was just the D's.]
The congresswoman said that she was sitting in her newly remodeled $1.7 home in Dover watching Dancing With The Stars with her two seven-year-old twin grandchildren.
And then all of a sudden the scantily-clad Shakira came on the screen and started singing and dancing and doing all kinds of immoral things with her lasciviously salavating hips. Kippy, her grandson asked her why that woman's belly was twisting and revolving the way it was.
Congresswoman Casserole said that she told her grandson and granddaughter that the reason that the 'woman's' stomach was rotating and slithering the way that it was, was because she had a real bad stomach ache.
Kippy's twin sister Kiptina said that the woman was making some very extremely sexy-looking swiveling, spinning, and vibrating moves that looked like something that she had once accidentally seen on the Playboy Channel.
The Congresswoman said that she told her husband Titus, who was holding the remote control, to change the channel immediately. He ignored her. She asked him again and again old Titus ignored her.
Finally in desperation Mrs. Casserole told the twins to go with her to the kitchen and help her bake some peanut butter cookies.
Kiptina quickly jumped up and headed towards the kitchen, but Kippy told his grandmother that he didn't care for any peanut butter cookies and that he would much rather stay with grandpa and watch Shakira shake what her mama had given her.
Grandma Casserole fainted on the living room floor. But her husband was able to take her into the kitchen during the next commercial and revive her with some smelling salts.
Titus Casserole told his grandson that the next time he knows Shakira will be appearing on TV, he will just go ahead and tivo it so that they can watch it while grandma is out shopping for groceries. Kippy looked up at his grandfather. He gave him a thumbs up sign, a fist bump, a high five, and said that he had the most 'greatestest' grandfather in the entire world.