Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 21 October 2009

image for Kelly Osbourne of Dancing With The Stars Hospitalized
Two of the few places on her body where Miss Osbourne does not have any tattoos.

HOLLYWOOD - In the latest edition of the reality dancing show / soap opera "As The Mirror Ball Turns" Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne's daughter Kelly was rushed to the hospital.

Kelly's partner Louie Van Amstel said that Kelly was suffering a lot of pain from a tattoo infection on her left ear lobe.

He said that about 30 minutes after he and Kelly finished performing their live performance he noticed one of Kelly's 16 tattoos had started turning fire engine red.

When he brought it to her attention she started crying and saying that she was afraid that maybe she had contacted the swine flu.

Van Amstel asked her why in the world she would think that she had contacted swine flu. Kelly answered that for breakfast that morning she had eaten eight strips of bacon.

She then disclosed that for lunch she had gone to a pork chop buffet and eaten four pork chops. And as a snack before they danced their live number, she had eaten two bags of pork rinds.

Van Amstel called 911 right away and she was rushed to Zasu Pitts Hospital. Her physician, Dr. Bradford Seacliff said that Kelly is resting comfortably and she should be released within 25 hours.

He added that Kelly does not have the swine flu, but she does have flu symptoms. He noted that Kelly has a mild case of the 'wine flu.' He said that Kelly informed him that she had drank three glasses of wine with her pork chops.

Dr. Seacliff said that sometimes when one mixes wine with pork you can get a metabolic fiduciary reaction which results in 'Porkavinoitis' which although quite harmless can be extremely dangerous if not treated within three hours (huh?)

SIDENOTE: Dr. Seacliff, although a very competent doctor, who graduated at the top of his class from San Andreas Fault Medical College, is noted throughout southern California as a physician who sometimes tends to be somewhat contradictory. He has been known to tell a nurse that she has gorgeously beautiful-looking legs and the next minute tell her that her legs have varicose veins, cellulite, wrinkles, blemishes, scars, and spider veins.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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