STAMFORD, Connecticut - Ex-governor of Alaska Sarah Palin finally agreed to appear on The Jerry Springer Show but only on the condition that she be allowed to wear a football helmet.
Palin's book Glowing Rouge has just jumped up to #96 on The New Jersey Best Selling Books List.
The good-looking, svelte wilderness woman was a big hit on the show that many critics call the most dysfunctional show in television history.
Noted TV critic Ferris Muffinrose stated that the Jerry Springer Show is even more dysfunctional than some of the shows on Fox News.
It was reported on the Internet that when Glenn Beck heard Muffinrose's statement he started crying.
Beck was sitting in is kitchen and he cried for about six minutes until his black maid Flozelly Washington walked up to him, slapped him on the side of his head, and told him to stop crying like Brett Favre.
Flozelly told Glenn that he was weeping away like some little teenybopper white girl who just found out that Adam Lambert is gay.
Beck reportedly looked up at her and asked, "Brett Favre cries too?"
"Uh huh." Washington replied. She then asked "Becky, just what the hell is it with you white boys, always whining, and weeping, and crying and shit?"
Beck replied that he didn't know. He then said that it must be a culturally hormonal thing.
Flozelly just threw up her hands and said, "I effen guess so. But think about it Becky, you have never once seen Rev. Al Sharpton cry, or Tim Duncan, or Jamie Foxx, or even Beyonce and she's a 'split tail' (girl) for goodness sakes.
Meanwhile back at the Jerry Springer Show Palin was asked if she is really planning on running for president of the United States in 2012.
She replied, "Ya know Jerry, I get asked that question anywhere from 20 to 9 times a day. And I always reply in the same way, 'does an Alaskan polar bear shit in the snow?'
And Jerry do you know what the answer to that question is?"
"Bingo! Folks hold your calls, we have us a winner."
Palin was then asked if it was true that she had shot her first moose at the age of three.
She blushed and replied that yes it was true and that she would like to move on quickly to the next question.
Springer then asked her if it was also true that the moose that she shot was actually in a petting zoo at the Mrs. Grover Cleveland Petting Zoo in Fairbanks.
"Anchorage. It was actually in Anchorage Jerry."
"Snow Plow" Palin then remarked that she had shot her first reindeer at the age of 4, and that this one was not in a petting zoo.
"Where was it?" Springer asked.
"Ya know Jerry, I honestly do not remember."
Springer told her to please tell the truth. He took her hand, looked into her big beautiful brown eyes, and he told her that she knew exactly where the reindeer was when she shot it.
"Okay, okay" Palin replied, "The little shit was on my grandparents porch playing with a hockey puck when I shot it."
Springer smiled and he took Palin's other hand. He then softly whispered that she now felt much better after coming clean with him and admitting that she just basically likes to go around killing big ol' animals.
"Dog Sled" Palin turned away and replied that he was right. She has always loved blasting animals to kingdom come.
Springer asked her why.
Palin grinned licked her upper lip with her strangely over-sized tongue and replied "Because I can, Jerr...because I effen can."
Springer then told Mrs. Palin if she wanted to talk about the giraffe. She nodded her head that she did not.
He then told her that he was going to talk about it anyway. He told the studio audience and the viewing audience at home that when Mrs. Palin was 8, she shot a giraffe.
He stressed that a giraffe is a totally tame animal. In terms of being tame it probably falls somewhere between a baby chick and a canary.
But yet "Shotgun" Sarah, standing there in the middle of a pet shop in her hometown of Wasilla, took it upon herself to sneak up on a perfectly helpless tamed giraffe that was simply enjoying mingling and playing with the other pet shop animals and she shot it.
And the bad thing is that Palin did not shoot it to cook it and eat it. She did not shoot it to make clothes out of it, and she certainly did not shoot it because it was attacking her.
Sarah Palin, alias, "The Animal Blaster" shot it because she has an over abundance of testosterone. In layman's terms Palin is about as close to having a male (blank) as a woman can possibly get.
With that Palin stood up and told Springer that she had to go to the mens' restroom and effen throw up.