Obese and cretinous Daily Mail writer Jan Moir has been exposed as having a secret affair with a cream cake.
It's been revealed that Mrs Moir has been cheating on her husband with the fattening pastry for the entire duration of their marriage. It's believed this affair has led to her ballooning weight.
Her husband is understood to be devastated to find that his wife has been committing adultery with a cream cake she bought on their honeymoon. He told reporters he was shocked she didn't just stuff it in her mouth "like she normally does with food."
Mrs Moir recently attacked gay civil partnerships. She believes that the only successful, happy, non-sordid and long lasting relationships in the world are between men and women.
Successful, happy, non-sordid and long lasting heterosexual relationships include Joseph Fritzl and his wife, Ian Huntley and Maxine Carr, and the parents of Baby P.