As the Bonkettes make final preparations for their upcoming gig at the Eternal City's legendary Colosseum, news just in suggests that a legal representative from the law firm of Huckham & Fukkham arrived at the band's hotel on the fashionable Via Vittorio Veneto armed with a message from band member Kathy Legover nee Trembler's husband Larry Legover advising his wife and UK rapper The Full Inch to cease and desist from advertising their sexual exploits on popular satirical internet websites.
"It's not only humiliating to have this kind of thing printed in the tabloids about your wife, and the mother of your kids, but when your ex is shagging a tranny, that's really bad. That Full Inch guy dresses up in women's clothing, hangs around in bars and secretly wishes he'd been born a girl."
"So he didn't want to be a lumberjack then?" our Spoof reporter, sensing a certain parallel with a Monty Python song asked.
"Yes. He probably did." Larry Legover told us.
The Full Inch's manager, Colonel Juan Parker told us:
"This is what The Full Inch is all about. Deep down, all men wanna be The Full Inch. When they don't measure up, they get all bitter and twisted."
We asked Bonkettes manager, BT Bishop, if the Rome Colosseum show would actually go ahead, given that Bonkettes drummer Fanny Tickler had walked out on the sexiest girl-band on the planet?
He told us:
"The show must go on."
"Listen, you guys," Colonel Juan Parker told us. "Fanny Tickler will be here, even though she did crave The Full Inch for herself. Kathy Legover, nee Trembler will be here too. As will The Full Inch. This will be the greatest, most creative rock and roll show since Hendrix at Woodstock. Trust me."
The Colosseum gig, scheduled for tonight is a sell out.
The Full Inch vehemently denies all cross-dressing allegations and insists that he was educated to a standard whereby he can spell the word 'Parallel'.
"I bought Blondie's 'Parallel Lines' album," he told us. "And if Larry Legover wants to try to intimidate me, I say: Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough. Rockin and rollin' in Sydney, Oz. Boom boom, shake da room. Da whole building too. If you gonna do the jiggy thing, then do it right innit."
At which point your Spoof reporter lost the plot and went to bed.
More when we wake up.