Written by P.M. Wortham
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Thursday, 15 October 2009

image for Nude Photo of Jennifer Lopez Mistaken for Missing Chihuahua
No Razors for this Hairless Dog

Posted on several utility poles and small shop windows around the upscale California community of Bel Aire, a blurry close up of what looked to be the triangular head of a Mexican Hairless Chihuahua buffeted by two pillows, was accompanied by three words and a phone number. "Beloved Puppy Missing - 867-5309".

Generating confusion and eventual outrage from local resident Ms.Lopez, who ironically was assigned the private phone number made famous by Tommy Tutone, had received hundreds of phone calls at her home asking if "the Mexican Hairless had been found", or if there "was a reward available for its return". Ms. Lopez immediately called the Bel Aire police to file a harassment complaint, though police could not identify a single source for the calls or the person responsible for posting misdirecting flyers.

The following day, investigators traced a stray fingerprint on the back of one flyer to a known felon on probation, and working at a local bikini waxing salon. Confronting the suspect at his place of work, Herb Uttharey was questioned in relation to the harassment charge. Crumbling under the intense 15 second question and answer session, Uttharey admitted to posting a cellular photo of Ms. Lopez's nether regions along with her home phone number in retribution for being stiffed on a tip at her last waxing. "I wanted the world to see how smooth my work was", Uttharey said, "And to let her know us working girls need cash too."

Police took pity on Herb, soon to be Helen Uttharey, following the last procedure in his sex change operation, and convinced Lopez to drop the charges if the flyers were removed. Jenny Jenny was reported to have changed her private line number after the incident, and Uttharey will be financing the remainder of his/her sex change operation with internet income generated by the hairless photo.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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