New York City, New York - Filippa Hamilton, the former model who was fired by Ralph Lauren for her excessive weight gain, is now being sought after by Weight Lookers. In fact, they've recently added to their ten most wanted list, a list they've kept and updated continuously for decades, so as to highlight those with the biggest weight problem in America.
"The addition of Filippa was a no-brainer", said a Weight Lookers spokesperson on the condition of remaining anonymous. "As soon as Filipa hit the three digit mark, we knew she was out of control. And now? 120 pounds? Incredible. We don't know how she still moves about without aid."
Indeed, others have expressed similar concerns about Filipa's enormous weight. It should be bore in mind that while 120 would not seem much for a woman 12 feet tall, Filipa is only five feet and ten inches - not much frame to carry such weight. It is believed that at this rate, she will soon need to remain in bed forever, and be fed by attendents.
Scientists at the University of Bern are now warning that this former model is set to reach her own personal Chandrasekhar limit later this year, at which point she will collapse in upon herself, becoming a uni-dimensional point that will destroy all of Earth.