Written by Simon Cockle
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Tuesday, 13 October 2009

image for Eight hour 'normality' binge killed Gately, tests prove
Where the story went so tragically wrong

The Boyzone singer Stephen Gately died of 'natural causes' a controversial post-mortem has revealed.

The 'teetotal' singer, dubbed 'sweet' and 'loving' had, in fact, indulged in a huge eight-hour binge that involved a lethal cocktail of 'some drinks', being 'in a club' with friends and 'chatting', all notorious activities of gay men in the Spanish resort town of Majorca.

One source who saw Gately on Friday night said, 'he was really going for it. Around midnight he had had several moderate drinks, like really moderate and quite reasonable drinks.' Then, 'he just flipped and started chatting to friends. It was that sudden.'

Tests show that Gately suffered a pulmonary oedema, a build up of fluid in the lungs. This, however, did not satisfy everyone. Mark Homophobic-With-Mates-To-Give-Impression-Of-Heterosexuality, Celebrity editor of The Rats newspaper explained 'this is just a cover-up. We know that, ignoring the facts, it was a coke-fuelled rent-boy bender that ended in tragedy. And what was that fluid?!'

A book of condolences has been set up in Fleet Street so that well-wishers can write messages of support to the Red-Tops so that they may cope with the tragic loss of such a great story.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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