Written by Skoob1999
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Topics: Girls, Rio, Bonkettes

Monday, 5 October 2009

image for Bonkettes Blow Rio Away
BJ Spit And BJ Swallow In Ipanema Seconds Ago.

The sexiest girl band on the planet, the Bonkettes today blew Rio De Janiero away with a stunning performance, made all the more remarkable by the fact that at one point, things threatened to take an ugly turn, before the girls at last emerged triumphant.

Manager and part time bongo player BT Bishop told us:

"I did get a little nervous at one point, when that guy tried to get on stage. We didn't want the place to be swarming with cops and strong arm security guys so we hired some sexy Brazilian female motorcycle outlaws to do the security, 'Los Diablos'

"They did a good job. When that guy tried to get on stage, they were all over him like a rash. Nobody was seriously hurt but the guy was treated by first-aiders for friction burns."

The incident happened as the band launched into a song about a masochistic friend of theirs, 'Lenny Pain' When they got to the line about 'Fish finger pie' the fan leapt onto the stage, almost colliding with lead singer BJ Swallow before being, as a Los Diablos spokeswoman put it, "pussified"

The crowd went crazy as the band started in on their Vegas gambling anthem 'Lucky Is The Ace Of Diamonds' and you could barely see the night sky for flying underpants and jockstraps. New drummer, Fanny Tickler gave an accomplished performance, looking like she'd been born to play the skins.

There was one moment for concern as dancer with non-gay dance troupe The Woodentops, Bungalow Bob from Basingstoke emerged onto the stage from the wings with two members of Los Diablos looking all hot and bothered.

For an encore, the band performed their classic hit 'Porno Book Writer' to an ecstatic reception.

Then it was a quick helicopter ride back to their Copacabana Beach Hotel.

Relaxing in the bar, once more sipping industrial strength paint stripper lasciviously through a straw, singer BJ Spit told us:

"That was great. Better than sex. It got a little sweaty when 'Los Diablos' lined up in front of us for security reasons, but we got through because they've all got really cute asses."

Road manager Tommy Tank told us that he was really pleased with the gig.

The Bonkettes will be appearing in North Korea in four days time, at a venue yet to be decided. Kim Jong Il has already extended the band a warm welcome, and, keen musician that he is, has been frantically polishing his trumpet in the hopes of getting a guest spot with the Bonkettes.

More on the Bonkettes World Tour as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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